


Last Night's Story

by the-canary (siruru)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, Awkward Dates, Awkward Romance, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Dating, Developing Relationship, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Miscommunication, Reader-Insert, Romantic Fluff, Self Confidence Issues, Shyness, Social Anxiety, Strangers to Lovers, Unresolved Emotional Tension, War Veteran Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-09-02 18:22:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16792267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siruru/pseuds/the-canary
Summary: Who thought one single night would have brought you both here.





	1. the time beforehand.

**Author's Note:**

> i have been thinking about making this story and stretching it out since i first wrote the drabble for the 500 celebration a few months back. i has some trouble figuring out what exactly i wanted and with other stories, it got pushed back until now. special thanks to @isavuu and @jaamesbbarnes for their support and ideas! 
> 
> Feedback is always welcomed.

_ You’re a nobody, _ as simple as that. 

You work a 9-to-5 job that you sort of enjoy, sort of hate that really doesn’t have anything to do with what you study. Commute, work, commute, sleep – that’s the jist of your life, has been for awhile now. 

Yes, you have friends and sometimes, you hang out with them (sometimes you got into the city alone) but you aren’t close to anyone as you were back in school, seeing their updates on social media or instant messaging is what you get most months. 

It’s midway through the year that something changes that, as Wanda calls you asking to meet during lunchtime near your work place. Though Wanda had known you the longest, since high school, you were complete opposites – she was fun and kind with her own business and a side blog about where she traveled with her boyfriend, “The Vision”, due to his career as an actor. 

Well, not so much boyfriend anymore as you see the ruby ring on her finger as you try to eat your burrito bowl. Wanda smiles, as she sees you finally taking notice. 

“Viz asked me to marry him in Scotland,” she declares like a blushing bride and you sort of remember that from one of her earlier Instagram posts, “And that’s what I came to talk to you about.” 

“Your wedding?” you question as she gives you an excited nod. 

“I want you to be my maid of honor,” she declares like you her best friend in the whole wide world with a bright smile and soft brown eyes. You blink for a moment, unsure of why you are being asked this – Wanda barely talked to you most days. 

You were sure she had someone better to ask, like the redhead she sometimes talked about. Maybe, that blonde that was in her latest social media post. You frown, while staring at your napkin.

“Hey, hey, none of that,” Wanda declares as she grabs your hand from across the table, “Don’t overthink it. You’re my oldest and dearest friend – I mean you were there when I had braces and was reading Jane Austen novels. Who else could put up with that?” 

You let out a mix between a scoff and laugh, as Wanda keeps smiling. When she said it that way, there really was no better choice. You give her a timid smile and nod.

“I would be  _ honored  _ to,” you laugh as she tries her hardest to not jump over the table and hug you right then and there. 

Oh, if you knew that this was just the start.

* * *

James Buchanan Barnes is a work in progress, as he likes to state so. 

After doing his tours and coming back stateside due to the loss of his arm, he was lost – lost for a very long time. He couldn’t go outside, he wouldn’t interact with people, he could barely look at himself in the mirror. However, Bucky had stubborn friends that always made sure that he well-feed and taken care of, even when he didn’t think he deserved it after everything he had done in his service and the aftermath of it all. 

However, after a good talking to (and maybe a little punches exchanged as well) Bucky decides to go to the VA for therapy, and slowly on the up and up he is getting there. He takes risks to move from his fears in the most extreme sort of way, it’s the only way he knows how. 

He walks the streets of New York in the middle of the night to get used to being around people and noises again. He goes in his first round of night classes without so much as really handing any documentation in – though Sam had already done it for him. 

It’s one of the reasons he had decided to become a stripper – to get used to his own body and how it looked like to others. Bucky never had a problem sweet talking a lady prior to joining the Army, but everything just came crashing down after he lost his arm – he lost his confidence and barely talked to any women outside of his close friends and sister. Baby steps in the most extreme sort of way and he was slowly coming to his own once more. He was okay with the glances and caresses here and there, aside from it paying really well. He just hadn’t date, just hadn’t found the right gal – as Steve would like to say. 

Bucky Barnes is still a work in progress, some days are worse than others but he has learned to take it all one day at a time. 

Tonight, after work, it felt like one of those days. 

“So, what’s your next gig,  _ Winter Soldier _ ?” Sam asks him from the other side of the dressing room as they prepare to leave after the end of the latest shift. 

As good as friends as they were, the woman seemed to enjoy the Falcon and Winter Soldier personalities fight for their attention on stage. It always made them a ton of money when they were paired up together. However, that wasn’t going to be Bucky’s next act, as he saw familiar slanted writing on the roaster indicating he was needed somewhere else.

“ _ Wanda Maximoff’s Bachelorette Party _ ,” he reads out loud as Sam groans. 

“I always hate those things,” he declares, as Bucky laughs remembering the chocolate caramel incident that Sam couldn’t get off of his skin for days. Though, Bucky would be lie if he didn’t say he was feeling a little bit apprehensive about this. 

“Well, good luck tomorrow night,” Sam declares, patting him on the shoulder before taking off through the back door. 

“Thank man,” Bucky runs a hand through his long hair and steels himself before leaving, hoping to ignore the upcoming event for some food and late night movies. 

Oh, but if only he knew this was going to be something he wasn’t soon going to forget. 


	2. meeting once, then twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the drabble that set the story, i am moving here from halycon unedited so people can seen the original.

It’s a cute thing, a dare from the bachelorette herself. So, how the hell were you not suppose to not do it?

_ Kiss the stripper in the mouth. _

So, you do it. However, you don’t expect it to be so  _ fucking mind blowing _ , like those stupid Nicholas Sparks novels said bachelorette had like to gush about since you were stupid teenagers. Because in the center of a crowded, dark room you go from pecking a complete stranger to letting out a soft moan as his body curves into yours. He is close to breaking it off, after only a few seconds, but you grab his dark long hair and drag him back. His hand around your waist, hip to hip, as you feel his perfect pecs and abs on your chest through your dress. You hear wooing in the background, but everything is lost to the feeling of his plush lips on yours.

“Okay, okay,” one of your more “sober” friends breaks it up, as the Winter Soldier goes back to dancing for the main party girl, as you try to cool down with another beer, though you have a feeling of someone is staring directly at you for the rest of the night.

Three weeks pass and your friend has her wedding, you smile at the pictures of her off in her honeymoon in Ireland and most of your other friends have moved past teasing you about said event, but you still hadn’t gotten over that one stupid kiss. You daydreamed about it and woke up in the middle of the night because of it. You were going crazy over a blue-eyed stripper dubbed the Winter Soldier, but you weren’t foolhardy enough to contact the service ever again.

And maybe, somethings like this are just meant to happen because as you are about to open the door to an all too familiar coffee shop, someone opens it from the inside – thus, having you crash into a hard body hidden by a red Henley. An arm, with a cursing Brooklyn accent, sends all your nerve ends lighting up with the sudden familiarity as you turn to see blue eyes looking at your face.

“You–” the both of you say at the same time. The two of you move aside instead of blocking the door, but the arm around your waist never leaves you. Blue eyes darken, as he starts biting his bottom lip, while you struggle not to manhandle him right then and there.

“Have you?” he breathes in, but you understand the question as his gloved hand put a strand of your hair behind your ear, as you stay quiet for the moment, hoping you aren’t sleeping on the bus again.

“Yeah,” you murmur, as he grins at the affirmation that you have been thinking about it –the kiss– the whole time as well. 

His eyes flicker from yours to your lips, as you relive the moment from 3 weeks ago in the middle of the street without a care in the world. It isn’t until a good 10 minutes later, with a promise of a date, that you get to know the Winter ( _ Wiener _ , you almost say with a laugh) Soldier’s real name – Bucky Barnes. 


	3. the date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this feels like it is going to be more sickly sweet than anything else that i have written, so just a heads up.

_ “Is next Saturday morning okay with you?” he asks breathlessly with a silly smile on his face, as blue eyes crinkle at the edges. However, you can tell he’s nervous as you feel the tell-tale sign of sweaty hands with how his left handing yours.  _

_ “That sounds perfect,” you respond with a grin as he bites his lips and nods.  _

_ You end up agreeing to meeting at the same little cafe, at around 11am as you find it hard to pull away from the mysterious stripper that feels, in your heart of hearts, might bloom into something else if given time. _

_ “See you then, Wiener Soldier.”  _

_ “Yeah, yeah,” is all he can saw as he laughs and you go your separate ways. _

* * *

“What are you thinking about?” a familiar voice drags you out of your daydream as you turn to stare at Wanda with a bashful smile. 

“Nothing at all,” you try to dispel any ideas she might be getting because Wanda is a dreamer and the slightest hint of something bringing you happiness will be something that she has to know about to the last detail because she’s is just that type of person. 

However, this is something that you want to keep to yourself for now. You aren’t too sure how she would handle you telling her that you had a date with the stripper from her bachelorette party, because even though she had pushed you into celebrating with her and having fun -- the kiss was something that she still seemed to frown down upon.

“Maybe, it’s a guy,” the redhead next to her suggest with a smile, as you give her a wide-eyed look. 

Natasha was a close friend of Wanda’s from work with an impeccable taste for the finer things in life and she knew how to get them all, and while you had been intimidated by her leading up to her wedding -- she was the only that seemed to approve of your little kiss all those weeks ago. She had decided to take your “under her wing” and while you still weren’t sure what that entailed, she was quickly becoming a hard aspect of your life, though you didn’t trust her enough to tell her everything that had gone down a few days ago. 

“I just finished a project at work, is all,” you try to change the subject as quickly as possible, because now that Wanda was married -- she seem to want everyone to follow her down the path of love as well, mainly setting you up on blind dates that had less than stellar results. 

‘Than maybe now that you’re free---”

“Why don’t you tell us more about Sokovia, Wan?” Natasha butts in with a question, as Wanda’s eyes light up as she goes back to going into her honeymoon story with her hubby and visiting the places that were close to their hearts back in Europe. 

Nat winks at you, as Wanda keeps talking though you know you’re going to have her tell her sooner rather than later.

* * *

The night before the big d-a-t-e, one Bucky Barnes finds himself raiding his closet through the merger set of clothes that he has, trying to figure what would be best for a coffee date. The truth is that Bucky hadn’t been on a date in a very long time, since before leaving for the war, and his current occupation made him weary and concerned of what a woman would want and think about it. 

And while yes, he had meet her in an unconventional way, Bucky just felt that there was something right about where this could lead. Thus, he is trying his best in making a good, formal date impression compared to how they first met -- though it would be a lie for him to say that he hasn’t thought of that kiss, and then the second one for days on end. 

“Buck, what are ya doing?” Steve’s concerned voice drags Bucky out his thought, as the blond looks around, “Looks like a tornado went through here.” 

“I--” lost blue eyes meet his best friend’s, as it doesn’t take Steve long to put two and two together. 

“You have a date?” Steve states, as Bucky rubs the back of his neck, “With who?”

“‘Member that gal I told you about,” Bucky murmurs bashfully, as Steve can only think of one woman that Bucky has brought up recently -- the gal with the killer lips, “Well, I found her.. More liked crashed into her.”

“Oh, I’m gonna have to hear this story,” Steve states, as he sits down on Bucky’s bed, ready for story time. 

“At least help choose some clothes, Stevie.”

* * *

****

You don’t know why, but it just shows up when you wake up the Saturday morning -- the anxiety causing your head to hurt just a bit more than usual and your heart to take on the form of a jack rabbit. The little voice starts to flitter into your head on which clothes make you look bad, how bad that good make up you had been saving for a special occasion would go to waste for something that would just turn sour in the end. 

However, you take a deep breath of air and remember what Nat had told you that last time you had seen here, when she put it all together. 

_ Knock him dead,  _ you think to yourself as you try to hardest to pick out a nice outfit in consideration of the rain slowly drizzling outside of your window. However, your courage seems to diminish the closer that you get to the coffee shop. 

The rain hits the glass next to you harder than before as you scan the little coffee shop for any sign of Bucky Barnes. You’re holding your breath for the inevitable  _ he’s late, he didn’t show up.  _ Your hands are trembling as the heavy feeling of fear and disappointment set in -- you are getting ahead of yourself, but it seems to be the story of your life. Ugly and left alone, as you feel yourself on the verge of crying only for a husky voice to fall your name from behind you. You sniff, as you silently pray that this isn’t some crazy dream. 

“How are you?” you turn to see Bucky in casual red button and black leather jacket. His hair is pulled back giving the chance to look at his blue eyes. His hands are gloved, as he seems to be holding two orders in his hand. You let out a breath of relief as he gives you a smile. 

“Good, good,” you state, “And you?” 

“Better knowing that you’re here,” Bucky answers back, as you can’t help but think that he might be as equally as nervous about this date as you, “I ordered a peppermint tea.” 

“How did you know I liked that?” you ask a bit unsure, as you swear that you see him blush for a second. 

“Your lips tasted--”

“Oh,” you nod, a bit embarrassed before he leads you to the little countertop that is next to the window. 

The rest of the date is a hazy, but not in a bad way -- in a warm, excited sort of way. You end talking to Bucky about anything you can think of and he does the same. He finds your in sales in a company that doesn’t really excite you, but it pays the bill. You talk about Nat and Wanda, as he tells you about Steve and Sam. Bucky mentions that he’s a veteran and that he lives with his best friend, though the blond seems to look forward to moving with his girlfriend soon. He’s trying his best to get his degree through night school and from what you can see, he sees his current job as you view yours. 

It’s almost noon and the rain has finally stopped when his phone rings as a reminder of something. He looks at it with a frown. 

“I gotta go,” he states with a hint of annoyance, “Work calls.” 

“Okay,”you start off, more confident than before this date started, “I had a good time. Maybe we could do this again?” 

“Yeah,” Bucky can’t help but agree, as you decide to finally trade phone numbers and set up another date at a later time. 

You and Bucky end up walking in the same direction, as he has to take the train into Midtown. And while aren’t holding hands or anything, he makes sure you stay close to him. It isn’t until you see the familiar signage that you pull him a bit closer. Blue eyes meet you own, as you find yourself in the same position as from as week ago on some side street. His gloved hands caress your cheeks as neither of you let go until you have to breathe. Bucky rubs your hands, as he chuckles for a moment. 

“Peppermint--” Bucky says huskily, “is becoming a very good flavor.” 

“Oh, did you hate it before?” you answer back cheekily, a real surprise to both you and him. 

“Despised it,” Bucky states in a mock tone of seriousness, and while he would rather stay with you for awhile longer he lets go and gives you one more glance and a way before heading down into the subway system. 

You keep heading down the street with a silly smile on your face the entire time. 

You aren’t sure what is happening to you, but you swear that meeting Bucky Barnes has started to change something within you, and you wouldn’t mind finding out where this would lead the two of you -- as you walk around the city with a hop in your step. 

You just didn’t know Bucky was doing the same thing as well. 


	4. baby steps.

It’s something that you notice early on with James, that he doesn’t let you near his left side. You barely remember the shining gunmetal arm from the night you first meet, you had been too drunk to take notice of anything else outside of the kiss, but you knew it was there. You were also aware that he had done his tours of duty as a young, idealistic man that wanted to serve his country and how he had come back barely alive and how the nightmares seem to come from time to time. 

Bucky was open about a lot of things in the three months since you had started going out on dates, but there were others her was a shut book about. It was a little odd, having to push and pull when it came to what he wanted to talk about -- you knew there were times --when his jaw tightens in just a certain way-- that there was something he wanted to say or complain about, maybe coursework or work, but he never really opened his mouth about anything. You weren’t sure how to handle that, so you went to the only person you could really ask. 

“It sounds like he doesn’t want to burden you,” Natasha explains before taking a bite out of her Sunday brunch special, as you stare at you own food for a moment. 

Since meeting the redhead, she had been a fixture of sorts in your life and while she hadn’t meet Bucky --hell, Wanda didn’t even know yet-- she was supportive of the relationship after the second date, regardless of how you two had meet. Nat had been there that night, so she knew how much Bucky was attracted to you from that very moment, she thought it was cute that everything had worked so that the two of you could meet again, but she was also there to help her newfound friend. 

“Why would he think that?” you asks, obviously confused about the whole situation. Nat sighs, knowing that she would need to explain somethings -- she was aware that you didn’t date much and were barely in any solid, long lasting relationship before this. 

You must’ve liked Bucky quite a lot if you were trying so hard this time. 

“James sounds like a man who has seen a lot. I’m sure he gets help through the VA and his own friends,” Nat starts off while cutting her egg benedict into smaller pieces, “He probably hasn’t dated seriously in a very long time. You being the first, he probably doesn’t want to put too much on your shoulders, especially if it could push you away.” 

“I--I--”

“Think about your next words seriously,” green eyes look to meet yours, “You haven’t dated for awhile either. How are you going to take on his burdens? What steps can you take to support him without suffocating him either?” 

“I don’t know,” you sigh out in defeat, as Natasha can’t help but smile for just a moment.

“Here’s the thing,” Nat answers back, “He probably doesn’t know either. This is a two way street and you have to find out by taking baby steps around each other. And maybe it’ll work and maybe it won’t.” 

You give her a small smile and nod before going back to your food. The rest of the meal is spent talking about her work and her latest romantic fling -- an mysterious archery instructor that she meet through work and while your work isn’t as glamorous as her, she still makes you talk about the latest project you had finished. By the end, as you take your separate ways, you’re laughing and Nat has a subdued smile on her face. She gives your one last serious look.

“If you get anymore serious with this Bucky, I’m gonna have to meet him.” 

Your heart stops at the implication, that this has not only for your relationship with James but also your budding friendship with Nat and you pause for a brief moment before nodding in complete certainty.

* * *

_ “He’s been staring at his phone for awhile now.”  _

_ “His gal’s gotta big presentation this morning. He’s been cheering her since he woke up.” _

_ “Wow, he’s really serious about this.” _

_ “Like a heart attack.” _

* * *

Due to Bucky’s schedule, you have gotten to meet every other Friday since your first date. He would usually pick you up for a date in the evening or as he was slowly growing accustomed to -- picking you up from work, grabbing some dinner, and heading over to your place since you lived alone in a very small apartment. It was little nerve wracking to have him in your place at first, but slowly you got used to seeing the large man on your very tiny loveseat or sitting across from you on your makeshift countertop. 

You laugh and watch a movie, or talk about your very boring day as he talked about work and school. However, tonight was different, you could sense it in how he moved about --tense and somber-- and how his eyes were a bit more gray than the blue that sparkled when he laughed at one of your jokes. It’s when you’re both sitting on the couch and trying to watch a movie that the irritability hits a new high, as Bucky moves away from you and keeps moving his hand in annoyance. 

“Is something wrong?” you asks softly, only for him to get up and make his way into your bathroom near the back of the apartment. 

It’s a good ten minutes before Bucky comes back to hit on the couch, a nervous look on his face as his right leg keeps bouncing back and forth. However, you are silent and give him a warm smile, so that he knows that you aren’t mad at him -- just confused. He pushes a strand of his hair back and takes a deep breathe before he starts talking. 

“Sometimes, I just have those days where my old pains just flare up...for no damn reason,” he rolls his shoulder, “My shoulder hurts and I have hard time just doing anything. It’s one of those days, but I didn’t wanna cancel on ya.” 

You nod, as he keeps talking while motioning to his left ear: “I always have ya on my right side cause sometimes I can’t hear well from this ear.”

“Buck, why didn’t you tell me?” is all you can really ask in regards to this new information, as he just shrugs.

“I didn’t wanna,” he starts off, but doesn’t end it though you understand well enough what he was trying to say. 

He looks down to the floor like a scolded puppy. Suddenly, you remember what Nat had told you a few days beforehand, as you give the man a soft smile while pressing your hand on his bearded cheek.

“Whatever you need from me, I’m here for you, James,” you start, showing that you would never be angry at him if he needed to cancel, “I know it’s hard to understand, hell I feel it too sometimes, but you’re never a burden to me.”

Bucky stays silent, as you keep talking -- completely mesmerized over how you just seems to get it. 

“My friend told me a relationship is a two-way street,” you explain, remembering what you had talked about with Nat, “Just like I might need things from you sometimes, I know you will too. Don’t hesitate, just because you don’t want to burden me.”

_ God, how are you real? _

That’s really the only thing that Bucky can think of at the moment, as you move in a little closer and press a kiss on his nose. The leg shaking has seemed to have stopped, but you could tell that Bucky was tired and still strung over the edge with whatever pain that he may be dealing with and that certainly wasn’t the way that you wanted him to leave your apartment -- you would be sick with with worry until he got home. 

“You could stay, if you want,” you state a little shyly, as blue eyes widen for a split second before your correct yourself, “I mean, not in that sort of way.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Bucky concedes with shrug, “If you don’t mind.” 

You grin, setting up the couch and some tea to call it a night and while Bucky is still quieter than usual -- you feel a bit close together as he ends up pulling you closer towards the end of the movie you were watching, only to end up sleeping on your shoulder. You soon follow him to the land of sleep and while it might not have been the route to take, you were happy that Bucky was slowly opening up to you. 


	5. at a crux.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first new chapter of 2019, happy new year!

It’s six months since your first date when you decide it’s finally time for Nat to meet Bucky. It had been what she suggested lately, as you talked about your recent dates in Central Park and how you were helping the man get a service dog, as something that had been suggested by his therapist at the VA. He talked to you about the things that bothered and those that didn’t -- you were learning more about each others’ lives, you were starting to think that it was about time that he met some of your friends. Nat was a good start, because you still weren’t sure how Wanda was going to handle all this though as thrilled as she was when you told you were dating someone two months back.

Nat, for all extensive purposes, was the test ride to all this. 

“So, you’re the stripper from the bachelorette party, huh?” Nat gives Bucky a pointed smile as he takes a seat across from her with you at his side. Bucky pauses for a moment, as you freeze starting at the two as green meet blue.

“And you’re the gal that wouldn’t stop talking about the Falcon,” Bucky remarks with a laugh, as Nat’s smile drops for a second before she gives out a slight laugh herself. 

“Oh, I’m gonna like you,” she declares with a nod before moving forward with ordering lunch for the three of you. 

And by the end, you are sure that Nat --with a wink and coy smile-- gives her seal of approval.

* * *

It’s shortly after that Bucky comes to realize that while he has told you a dozen stories about Steve and Sam, you have yet to meet either one of them. Yes, Steve asked every once and awhile about meeting you, even talking about going on a double date with him and Peggy as he saw Bucky get more serious about you -- but, Steve also knew that Bucky was a cautious and stubborn mule. After everything had failed in the aftermath of his first tour of duty with Dot, Steve knew that Bucky was hesitant to bring anyone into their inner circle again, but he also knew how head over heels Bucky was getting over you. 

This might have started off as a drunk kiss at party, but Steve could already tell it could be something else if nurtured the right way. However, he wasn’t going to tell Bucky that just yet, instead as they talked about his meeting with Nat -- Steve decided to bring his first line of thought up.

“So, when are  _ we  _ going to meet her, punk?” Steve jokes, but stops when he sees that twinkle in Bucky’s eyes -- something he hasn’t seen in a very long time. 

“Pick a date and I’ll ask her, jerk,” Bucky grins before taking a sip of his beer, as Steve laughs -- oh, if only his best friend saw what he did.

* * *

Bucky knows that you are shy as hell when it comes to new people, the drunkenness of when you first meet had been your only silver of courage and now that you were meeting some of the most important people in his life -- well, you were calming up more at the moment. However, that doesn’t stop him from taking in how pretty you look in the dress and light jacket you had dressed in for the evening, as you give him a shy smile and pull up the bottle of wine you had been holding. 

“They told me this would go good with anything,” you manage to say without a stutter as your boyfriend drags you into a hug before anything else. He can feel all your anxiety building up as he soothes your back slightly while whispering soft words of encouragement to you, as you can do is nod vaguely. 

“You got this, all right?” he says one last time, as he backs away. A kiss on the tip of your nose is the last thing he does before a yell can be heard deeper inside the apartment. You let out a breathe like a soldier getting ready for war as you proceed to meet everyone.

* * *

Outside of meeting some of Bucky’s closest friends, this was also the first real time that you had gone inside of his apartment. Due to the proximity of your work and apartment to where he worked, it was just easier for him to ride into your space rather than you taking the train into Brooklyn after dark. So, for a good while, you were at awe with the red brick apartment that seemed to shine with both Bucky’s and Steve’s personalities -- old childhood pictures and drawings hanging from the walls alongside various medals that you were sure were Bucky’s. 

However, the real surprise laid in the kitchenette area as plates and plates filled with food laid before you. You were aware some had been made by Bucky --he had cooked in your own home more than once-- but you were more surprised when a certain man with a bright smile came in to give you a hug.

“Finally good to meet the gal Tin Man talks so much about,” he declares as you give him an awkward hug back and from his friendly attitude, you are quick to surmise that this is Sam Wilson. 

“It’s good to meet you too,” you declare back, slightly more confident than before, “Bucky has told me a lot about you.” 

“Only good things I hope,” Sam teases back with a mock threat as he looks at the man next to you. You laugh, quickly noticing that though they might tease each other, they have each other’s backs as well. 

He pushes you in a bit more and that’s when you see him -- Steve Rogers and who you assume is his fiancee Peggy Carter by his side as they finish preparing the table. He pauses, setting down a dish to give you a bright smile and side hug, as you try to reconcile the skinny, reckless boy that got into back alley fights from Bucky’s stories with this hunk of a man. 

“It’s good to finally meet you,” he declares in earnest, which catches you off guard. It’s almost like he’s thanking you for something, but you aren’t quite sure what as you nod back.

“Hey, hey,” Bucky’s voice filters you out of your daze as he pulls you back from the blond with a laugh, “Don’t go tryin’ to steal my girl right in front of me.” 

“Wouldn't dream of it,” Steve laughs before motioning to Peggy who comes in to give you a hug, “Already have my own.” 

And as they finish setting up and you all sit down for dinner, you’ll never know --at least for now-- how grateful Steve is that Bucky had found you.

* * *

After a good meal and pleasant introductions that is when they really start asking about you and Bucky, though it seems that the most weary is Peggy. She asks you tons of questions not out of malice or any ill feelings, but in the same way she loves Sam -- that familial protectiveness is given to Bucky, maybe more so because he is Steve’s best friend. And you’re more than a little afraid of the type of woman she is -- her red lipstick and subtle confidence reminds of you of when you first meet Nat, but there’s more on the line to this and maybe that love is where you get the courage from when she asks her next question. 

“What do you think of James being a stripper?” Peggy asks and for a brief moment you wonder if she knows the exact details of how you and Bucky meet. However, that isn’t the issue at hand, as you let out a small cough with all eyes on you, but you are staring directly into her brown ones as you grab a hold of Bucky’s right hand -- more to support yourself than anything else at the moment, as the man gives you a weak smile.

“I-I’m proud of whatever Bucky does,” you stammer for a moment, as her brown eyes watch you like a hawk and in some form of defense you puff of your chest just a bit, “He’s come a long way and I’m just grateful he’s allowed me this time with him, so it really doesn’t matter to me.”

All four of them look at you in shock for a good moment, your little speech certainly wasn’t what they had been expecting from you. It takes Bucky’s laugh --awkward but relieved-- to break the tension as he leans in to kiss you on the forehead as he can’t help but yell out  _ that’s my girl.  _

“That’s good to know,” is all Peggy says to your answer, as Steve shakes his head before placing his hand over hers. It seems you had passed their test, as Sam declares that you should all go and get ice cream. 

By the end of the night, Sam will be begging for Nat’s phone number, but in the aftermath of it all -- you think that maybe, it’s that night when you finally realize that you are truly and irrevocably in love with Bucky Barnes.

* * *

It’s some time after that you finally get your answer to that question, as Wanda sits in your little living room eyeing the black leather jacket that Bucky had left behind the night before. Her eyes moving from said object to meet yours, as if she was going to read your mind or somehow you’ll understand what she is trying to silently ask.

“So when do I get to meet him?” she finally asks as she places her cup down. You glance at her for a moment before taking your phone out. Wanda gives you a bright smile with all the love that she has for you, but you are also aware that Wanda had imagined a different future for the two of you -- sometimes, she still liked to play matchmaker to a man that was half a world away. 

You just didn’t think that you were going to be the one that would burst the little bubble for her, though Pietro had tried hundreds of times before. 

“If I show you a picture of him,” you start as she leans in a bit more in excitement, “You have to promise not to freak out or react in any sort of negative way.”

She raises her eyebrows in question, as you scroll through your phone for a moment, though she states that she will be calm about the whole thing. You give her a smile as you hand her your phone with one of your favorite pictures of the two you -- a picture from the ice cream store, that Sam had taken, with Bucky’s arm around your shoulders as he tries to steal a bit of your ice cream, as you keep laughing at his attempts. 

You can tell Wanda is quick in putting two and two together, as her eyes widen and she looks at you in disbelief: “That’s the guy from my bachelorette party. You’re dating  _ him? _ ”

You don’t know what Wanda might dislike about Bucky -- it could be a million things, but as you right yourself on the loveseat for just a moment and stare at her with a determined look, she knows something’s up. 

“I meet him a couple of weeks after your wedding,” you admit as her eyes widen over how long you might actually have been keeping this from her, as you grab her hand and give her the brightest smile your can muster, “It’s crazy, I know... but I think I love him, Wan.”

She stays quiet, as you keep going but she can’t help that this is the happiest she had seen you in all the years you have known each other: “You’re my oldest friend and I want you to meet him. If you don’t want to that’s fine, but please don’t think so badly of him before you’ve even meet him. Bucky’s a really great guy.” 

“Why kind of name is Bucky?” she protest with a laugh, as you let out a breath of air in relief. 

“It’s a nickname. His real name is James,” you state softly and with lovestruck eyes that Wanda was sure she was the only one that had them when she talked about her husband, but to see you of all people like this. 

Well, she knew what she had to do. 

“Well, tell your Bucky that I want to meet him,” Wanda declares as you let out a happy scream and proceed to hug the hell out of her. 

You weren’t sure where all this was going to go, but for the moment you were happy that some of the most important people in your life were going to finally meet and you could show Wanda just how happy Bucky made you. 


	6. those words have meaning.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i am touching on somethings that i am not used to writing here, so please be kind.

It isn’t until sometime afterwards that you realize what you had told Wanda when talking about Bucky. It sends you into a tizzy for the next two days, though a talk with Nat --when she has some time to spare from her trip in Morocco-- manages to calm you down after a while. 

_ Did you mean it? _

Her words echo in your head for a long while and though you are as sure as hell when you told Wanda, and then when you told Nat -- looking at Bucky, sitting at your kitchen countertop while he’s trying to do his homework since night school has started up leads to a completely different experience.

His eyes are more concentrated on the paper in front of him than anything else and while he is one of the smartest people you know --picking up anything to read from mathematics to history to sci-fiction-- he is still hesitant about his own abilities. As you get closer, he spends more time in your little home that it ends up like smelling his cologne or the eggs and bacon that he tends to make for breakfast when he spends the weekend over. And while, he sleeps in your bed from time-to-time, his nightmares and insecurities make him go to the couch every so often, though you understand. 

He’s still thinking about that service dog, wants to be good and ready before he adds another member into his little circle, as you see a book on the subject in his pile of books to read. Bucky may not know it, but he is a single ray of sunshine that sparkled into your gray world.

“Why do you keep staring?” he laughs, as he pushes you away from your thoughts. 

You grin before taking another sip of your tea, as you lean on the opposite side of the countertop: “Just thinking.” 

_ Did you mean it? _

Bucky just looks at you for a moment before he starts laughing, motioning at you to come to his side as he proceeds to take a break from his studies to tickle the hell out of you. In in the echo of all that laughter, you realize that maybe those words ring some truth after all.

* * *

However, Wanda is a cautious person, more so than you are at times, it was one of the reasons that you two clicked during your younger years, though she blossomed in something else during college. Yet, she could see that you were now slowly changing as a late bloomer. You were trying to find ways to enjoy your job while looking for new opportunities as well. You were spending more time with Nat and finding new ways to enjoy the city, which Wanda was sure was being done with a certain man.

The man sitting across from her, rather nervously, after she has called him some days before formally meeting him during a dinner you had setup. And while Wanda felt for bad going behind your back like this, there were things that she needed to know and was aware that she couldn’t get out of the man if you were around, thus this private meeting.

“What do you like about her so much?” Wanda asks, expecting some type of hesitation or even drawback as she had seen before within the little dating experience she had seen you go through. Instead, she is meet with bright blue eyes, as Bucky straightens in his chair a bit more so than before. 

“Ah,” Bucky starts of bashfully, but gains a bit more confidence as your visage comes to mind, “Where can I start about her?” 

Wanda finds herself floored by the end of the lunch meeting.

* * *

You should have known something was wrong from the moment you had entered the restaurant that Wanda had decided on to meet you and Bucky. The air was too stiff and the music was too loud, as the Friday evening brought more people to the place more so than usual. You could see Bucky was on high alert most of the time, as he shook his leg underneath the table from time to time and he played with his tie. Wanda was asking about something when it happened -- something crashed not too far away and Bucky bolted, much to Wanda and Viz’s surprise. 

You run out of the restaurant without a second thought, though you wait more than a few minutes at the entrance waiting to see if Bucky was going to come back or not, as you text Wanda that you were calling it a night. And while you were sure it was going to hurt her in some way, you weren’t above putting Bucky’s health over some meeting.

“Hey,” Bucky manages to states with a pleading tone, “I’m sorry, but could we head home?” 

“Sure” is all you manage to say between your worry and the silent surprised of how Bucky had called your apartment  _ home _ , though you weren’t quite sure in what way he meant it and you weren’t going to push him for now. 

The ride back home in your little car is silent for the most part, as Bucky leans onto the window. What you don’t know is that he is waiting for the moment that you would turn and yell that he had ruined such a nice evening for the two of you and Wanda -- Dot had started to do after her patience had begun to run thin with him after his first time back. However, he never gets any of that from you.

“Do you need anything?” you ask, as you help him to your little bedroom and take off his restrictive tie and shoes, while placing some clothes that he had left sometime ago on the bed for him. Blue eyes watch you like a hawk as you move about and get some clothes for yourself. He is still dumbfounded and decides to make it known. 

“Why are you doing all this?” he asks, as you pause and decide to sit down. You grab his hands and move forward without really thinking. 

_ “I love you _ , James,” you start of without much thought, as you try your best to comfort him, “I really do, and it’s---”

Blue eyes widen at your declaration, as you gasp for having it said aloud though you don’t regret. You just worry how he might take it, as you watch Bucky go through a tirade of emotions before he closes up completely -- everything from tonight might just be too much for him and that’s what you feared the most as he grips your cheeks with his hands and you try your hardest not to have your own panic attack. 

“ _ You mean it _ ?” Bucky states softly like a wounded animal, while running his thumbs over any part of your face that he can reach, “Really?” 

You nod, as a grin blooms on Bucky’s face but before he can answer back or do anything else, you push back kissing said man on his lips -- to prove this to him once and for all and peppering kisses throughout his face. You seek each other out in any possible -- through words, kisses, and soft contact until there is nothing left nor hiding the two of you. Everything else is forgotten. 

Silent declarations of love ring true, as you end up cuddling closer to the warmth by your side as morning shines through your curtain windows. 


	7. the pushback.

You end up waking a few hours later in confusion due to the lack of warmth near your body and the ringing on the side of your bed. You move around for a long while until you end up falling on the ground with a large  _ thump _ , only to see your ilr of clothes from the night before. 

You glance around for a moment trying to get your bearings, as you see Wanda’s list of messages from the night before and well into the morning. Pietro had even come into the whole thing and while it caused you frown just a little the excitement of all that had happened last night was settling into a happy, fuzzy feeling as you texted both of them back. 

However, as you got yourself ready to enter the kitchen --hoping that Bucky was preparing breakfast like he usually did when he stayed over-- you couldn’t help but notice that the bed had been cold for quite some time. You were trying not to panic or anything, but the whole situation was quickly putting your heart on edge. 

It dropped when you noticed that there was no sign of Bucky anywhere or any of his things that had piled up over your months together. 

You pause in the middle of the hallway, unsure of what to do or what exactly was going.

* * *

One day turns into two weeks, and you find yourself questioning what you had done wrong in one night to make Bucky ignore your text messages and calls. You had replayed the evening a thousand times in your mind in question and distress -- maybe, meeting Wanda had pushed him too far. Maybe he hadn’t been ready for what you had said -- it was a moment of passion after you had declared those words, now you were wondering if you should have said them at all.

But, deep down -- you knew you didn’t regret them and you were never going to, even if Bucky decided it was the end of the two of you.

“Hey,” a male voice questions, as you sit in the middle of a little cafe taking lunch, but you aren’t really there at all, “Are you okay?” 

You blink out of your stupor to glance up and silently curse at whatever had decided that you needed to see Pietro at this same moment, though he doesn’t seem to notice the change in your demeanor as his blue eyes sparkle and he gives you a friendly smile before deciding to sit down.

Though you thank everything up above that you have already wasted a good chunk of your lunch pining over Bucky than having to deal with whatever might come out of the former track star’s mouth.

* * *

> _ Hey, good luck on your exam! _
> 
> _ I hope you had a good morning! _
> 
> _ Sleep tight! _

Bucky scrolls down through all the messages that had been sent by a certain someone in the days that he had stopped all communications with you. He had been all right the first couple of days due to the busy schedule that had been set-up due to work and school, but once everything started to slow down into the fourth week Bucky was finding himself without things to keep his mind occupied and the messages had stopped as well -- Bucky only took it as a sign that you had given up. 

> _ I love you.  _

He remembered you whispering that softly in the darkness of your room that night after his panic attack. He hadn’t meant to ruin such a nice night for the four of you, but the room just closed on him and Wanda’s questions and suffocating smile where just too much -- he knew they cared about you, but it was just too much pressure for him. Bucky was sure that you were going to yell, scream, anything to make sure to let him know that he didn’t deserve you. But, instead you helped him out of his clothes and whispered those words that he hadn’t heard from anyone in a very long time -- it caused a flutter in his heart and he knew that he reciprocated those emotions, but he couldn’t open his mouth to say them, so he showed you the best he could that night -- over and over again.

> _ Then, why did you leave?  _

Both Sam and Steve had asked him that during his self-exile from your relationship and to be honest he constantly questioned himself on the notion too. Though he knew well enough why -- he didn’t deserve you -- you were too sweet and kind for someone broken like him. He could barely hold a job together, was barely going to school when he could, sometimes he couldn’t sleep at all or woke up with nightmares and screams. 

> _ She could handle all of that. She’s handled that and more. Maybe, you’re just scared of opening your heart, James.  _

Peggy had told him that the third week in, when she finally realized what was going on and she wasn’t like the other two, who tended to dance around the truth, though that was Steve more than anyone else when it came to Bucky. And he knew that she was right because through every test and and situation he had thrown at you -- you had come out shining and declaring your faith and trust in him. Even when you finally saw the truth the laid on his body, the scars and missing gaps of flesh -- you did nothing but answer back with soft kisses and meeting his hard edges with your own. You were so sweet and kind and trusting, and deep down he didn’t want to break that. 

One day, he was sure you were going to break down over everything he pushed you through, or worst you were going to leave him -- and Bucky wasn’t sure he could handle that. Thus, he sits in the darkness of his room instead of trying to reach out for that soft, familiar light. 

“Bucky,” Steve’s voice breaks his negative thoughts, as he follows up by knocking softly at the door,”There’s a delivery for ya.” 

Bucky gets up in confusion, unsure of who could be sending him something since he hadn’t ordered anything recently, so with a few deep breaths to ease himself just a little -- Bucky gets up and head to the living room.

“I wonder who could have sent them,” Steve teases as both him and Bucky stand in their living room now filled with sunflowers, geraniums, and red roses with more coming in as the delivery people place them in any nook and cranny they can find. Blue eyes shimmer in unshed tears since he knows whose favorite flowers these are. 

“James Barnes?” an older man with glasses in a green jumper questions the two of them, as Bucky nods at the sound of his name. The man hands him a note. 

“You’re a very lucky young man,” Stan --from what Bucky read on his name tag-- declares with a soft smile as the rest of the crew finishes and Bucky simply nods. He takes a shaky breath, no longer even paying attention to Steve watching him anxiously though with a huge grin, as he proceeds to take out the small card -- the writing sending a familiar flutter down his spine, as he tries not to cry right then and there. 

> _ \--I miss you. I hope you are taking care of yourself. _

Bucky swears he hears Steve saying something about him being a stupid punk, but all he can hear is the thumping of his heart once again confirming what he truly feels about you, as you prove him wrong once again. 


	8. better off.

The fourth week you had tried sending flowers, it had been a last attempt sort of thing. To remind Bucky that you still cared and were waiting for him, even though Nat was telling you that maybe this was the end. This good thing had run its course and while you understood where she was coming from --she was trying to protect your feelings-- it still didn’t stop the hurt that you had ruined such a good thing with a few choice words. 

Because it was even sadder that Bucky might think that in some way he didn’t deserve them -- you knew that he deserved all the most wonderful things in the world. 

“Do you wanna go tonight?” you look up from your phone to see Pietro giving you an excited grin. And while you two were nothing more than friends, he made it clear to Wanda that he was happy in a relationship, he was trying his best to help by being a shoulder to cry and not letting you get into your head too much.

“I-I--”

“Just once. Wanda and Nat will be there too,” Pietro compromises with stating that both of your friends will be there as you take in lunch together once more, though sometimes it ended being a ranting session about either you missing Bucky or Pietro missing his girlfriend, though he needed to stay in New York for the duration of the year due to his work. 

However, Pietro understands most of all that you aren’t a social person, but he wasn’t going to let you mope around either -- you had to get out there if you wanted to forget about the man that had broken your heart and that sometimes Pietro wanted to punch -- you were like a little sister to him after all.

“Okay,” you let out tentatively as Pietro grins, “But no clubs.”

Pietro groans at your added afterthought.

* * *

Bucky keeps all the flowers that had been sent to him until some of them started wilting. He pushed all the ones that were still living in vases that stood in front of the large windows for several days afterwards. Steve and Sam often found him staring at them or the little card when they came in, but they never said anything. They both knew that a much younger Bucky might have done this for a pretty girl once and if he had gotten them himself, would have laughed bashfully at the thought.

But, that was a Bucky from decades ago. This Bucky for all he was worth in kindness, softness, determination and smiles didn’t believe that he deserved all this. They saw him trying to write letters from time to time, but nothing seemed to work out in the end -- Bucky seemed to know what he wanted to do now but didn’t know how to go about it, how he wanted to move forward but he seemed unsure of how it.

“Hey,” Sam declares from across the kitchen countertop as he watches Bucky crumple up another piece of paper and add it to his growing pile,”Why don’t the three of us go out?” 

“I--” Bucky wants to stop but he turns to meet Steve’s eye who is giving him a hopeful look and Bucky was never one to say no to his childhood friend. He places the paper he was writing into his pocket and gives them a nod.

“Sure,” he declares, “Where are we going?”

The two men are grinning, setting their plan into motion, as Bucky hopes that he finds the right set of words soon.

* * *

“Were you binging Jeff Bridges movies again?”

“ _ Hey.  _ The Dude is a great actor,” a male voice complains, “Besides she said no clubs and everyone likes bowling.”

The choirs of female voices groans echoes, as said voice laughs awkwardly. However, there is one voice, softer than the others, but that Bucky can still pick it up from where he is standing near the lanes and the entrance that causes him to turn around. He sees Wanda, Viz, Nat, and a shorter dark-haired man that he has never seen before standing there almost reprimanding a tall silver-haired man who has his arms conveniently wrapped around you -- you dressed in a cheesy bowling shirt and jeans.

You who were smiling and laughing with someone else at your side and Bucky felt the air rush out of him completely. Despair and nausea started to set in, as he turns around to look at Steve and Sam who were waiting for him. They glance at the group and Bucky knows right then and there that they were in on it. The panic starts to set in even worse at the thought that these two would do this to him.

“Bucky,” Steve adds in softly, stopping the man before he thinks of moving further into the bowling area and away from you, who doesn’t seem to notice the commotion as your group pays in another section and takes the stairs to where the lanes are.

“I need to go, Stevie,” Bucky whispers harshly as the noise of the pins and bowling balls colliding are the things that start echoing and thumping in his mind. He doesn’t want to see you laughing and smiling with someone that isn’t him, even though he knows how childish it might seem. 

He had figured it all out and was just waiting on the right way to say a certain set of words, but to see that you had moved on.

“Come on, punk,” Steve states as he watches a certain someone looking their way before glancing back at the game at hand,”If it’s meant to be things always have a way of fixing themselves, if not--”

“--You pick up yourself, bloody lip and all and go home,” Bucky sighs out the old childhood saying that their boxing coach seemed to enjoy telling them one too many times. Bucky wiggles out of Steve’s grip and nods, for a moment feeling like his old self again as Steve gives him a grin.

“All right,” is all Bucky says, as he nods ready to face the music as Sam asks him what size of shoe does he need.

* * *

“Another  _ strike _ ,” Pietro groans out in annoyance as Viz gets a kiss from his wife. 

Viz’s team of himself, Natasha, and Bruce was clearly ahead of your team with the twins. Pietro had decided that the three of you had to be together in the name of childhood comradery, much to his younger sister’s annoyance and Nat’s subtle anger though she made up for it while talking and getting to know the shy Dr. Banner, a friend of Viz’s from work, a bit better. However, you saw that every once and awhile her eyes would wander a few lanes down to where a certain Falcon seemed to playing his best game. 

You weren’t stupid -- you knew that Bucky and his friends were here from the beginning, Natasha had told you so as a precaution and as part of their own plan this, you had glanced at Bucky from time to time. However, you weren’t going to be the one running to him this time around. If he wanted to end this, he would come to you and say it outright -- you were slowly growing tired of being left with no answers and berating yourself for falling in love with Bucky Barnes. 

You love him and that was the truth, but what he was going to do with that information was for him to decide. For now, you were having fun with your friends as you watch Pietro hit another gutterball and Wanda groaned in annoyance. 

If this was your life for now, then you were truly fine with that.

* * *

Bucky isn’t fine with that notion, at least not with you talking to the silver-haired man and smiling though he does enjoy seeing you try your hardest at bowling with a smiling or frustrated gesture when things didn’t go your way. It was endearing, but it also made him realize that you and him as couple didn’t go out much. Yes, there were occasionally outsings here and there but it was always at your apartment, hell you had only gone to his maybe once or twice since meeting all his friends. 

You were always so accommodating for Bucky, even when he shut you away -- and that’s the last thing he wanted.

It’s two hours in when he finally decides to get the courage to do anything besides striking gutter balls, much to Sam’s pleasure and laughter though. 

“I’m gonna go outside for ‘bit,” Bucky manages to state after he sees you and Natasha going to one of the food counters. Steve gives him a pat on the back, as Bucky touches the crumpled paper in his pocket for good luck. 

He doesn’t expect to Nat to look at him so harshly with those bright green eyes of her, as she picks up the tray of soda and snacks but he knows he deserves it. 

You stop mid laugh at the sudden change in her attitude and ask: “Is he behind me?”

Natasha nods and Bucky can see you stiffen before turning around, like ripping off a bandaid, though you don’t look at him straight at his face, preferring to look to the sid. Natasha gives him one last glance before leaving. He takes a deep breath before moving forward.

“Hi,” he breathes out nervously as you finally look at him and give him a worried frown, like you’re expecting the worst from him. He could say the same thing about how he is feeling about you -- scared, lonely, and utterly afraid of the love he feels for you. 

Because, truly Bucky is in love with you -- has for a good while-- but he just doesn’t know how to say without the imaginary cotton filling his mouth. 

“Hi James,” you state in a flat and neutral voice that sends Bucky into a mild panic because of all the times he has heard you say his name --even his first name-- it has never been without an sort of emotion, but he has to be strong and not run away if he wants to keep you in his life. 

“I know it might not seem like the best time,” he shuffles around as he looks at the ground, “But, I was wondering if we could talk, to clear the air and all that.”

“All right,” you state a bit softer than before, as he gives you a nod before motioning to the entrance. 

“All right,” he mimics before the two of you walk out of the bowling alley. 

All of your friends watching and your hearts calling for the other.

* * *

You and Bucky end up walking a bit more and end up not that far away from the pier close to Midtown and 39th St. You aren’t quite sure what to say, but you’re ready to hear Bucky out about his feelings and anything else, but most of all his avoidance over the past month and a half. 

“I like the flowers you sent,” he starts off stopping on the sidewalk close to where the murkiness of the city mixes with that of the sea. His blue eyes are darker than usual as he runs a hand through his hair, “They helped a lot during the exams, like a good luck charm.” 

“I’m glad they did,” you admit as he grins, “I hope you did well, I know you’ve been studying hard.”

You keep the pleasantries going for a while, as he asks you about work and Wanda and you do the same before he gets to the heart of what he has been afraid to ask.

“Are you dating--”

“I’m not dating Pietro, James,” you reprimand him as he remembers the name from one of your earlier conversations, “He’s just visiting, trying to keep my mind of off things.”

“Of off?”

“ _ You _ ,” you state sadly, as Bucky frowns that you could be doing such a thing. However, he couldn’t blame you. You played with your sleeve for a moment before moving forward with what you had in mind, since it seemed that Bucky wasn’t going to do it for the two of you -- he could be stubborn like that sometimes. 

“If I was moving too fast, then I’m sorry Bucky,” you state while glancing at the side. His eyes widen that even now you could still love him and that’s when he realizes what he has to be straightforward with his own emotions too, “But, I don’t regret telling you that and I still feel the same but I don’t wanna push you into anything you feel uncomfortable with.” 

“But I want you to,” Bucky steps into your little speech full of confidence and emotion, as you stare at him with wide eyes.

“What?”

“I’ve been stuck in this static bubble since way before I met you,  _ that crazy gal who wouldn’t let go of the Winter Soldier Stripper _ ,” Bucky chuckles at the bashful look that crosses you face as he places his gloved hand underneath your chin, “And even if it’s just little steps, I’ve been opening up and letting so much in again it’s  _ because of you, just you.”  _

You look straight into his eyes, as if looking for a lie but all he does is smile that charming, crooked smile that you only see on a  **very** good day: “I know it’s hard being with someone like me. You’ve gone over leaps and bounds and just about everything I throw at ya. But, you keep coming back  _ shining _ and full of love. I wanna be there for ya 110%, sweetheart. It might be a little hard, but I can’t let you go -- you’ve got all of me, whether you want it or not.” 

You let out a little sob as you place your hands over his metal one and press it to your cheek. Bucky doesn’t say anything else, as he waits on bated breath for your answer. 

“You have all of me too, have for awhile now,” you answer back as his smile turns into a full blown grin. He steps a bit closer into your space, looking at you hesitantly while you simple nod. 

“God, I missed ya,” he declares in a sort of brokenheartedness that makes your own split in two, “I’m so sorry I ran that night and that I didn’t ever come back, but all the thoughts in my head--”

“I know, I know,” you answer back, knowing all too well of his fears and your own. 

He whispers his apologizes a million times over underneath streetlight before you finally you silence him soft with a kiss. Soft, plush lips join yours over and over again until you’re breathless and giddy with having his arm around your waist once more, to feel his heart skipping a bit just like yours but most of all to have those blue eyes staring at you once more, shining like starlight with an array of emotions. 

Both you and Bucky have a lot of things to work on still, but as he shows you that crumpled piece of paper with those three words -- you think you’re both going to be just fine. 


	9. utterly in love.

It takes a while for things between you and Bucky to get back to normal. Between your work and his busy season in June, there is very little time to see each other outside of texting and phone calls. You’re still hesitant to bring him back in, despite everything to had been declared to each other back in the pier because you didn’t know if you would do the wrong thing again and push Bucky away completely. You knew it wasn’t true, but that didn’t stop the fear still lurking in your heart.

It didn’t help that Bucky hadn’t come back to your apartment since you had gotten back together. Instead, of meeting there like before, he would often take you somewhere simple --pizza, late night breakfast, or a local deli-- to eat after work. Every time he would bring something small --like a bear or a small bouquet--, it was nice and all, but the night always ended with Bucky leaving you right at the foot of your apartment building.

Nothing more, nothing else.

“Do you wanna come up?” is a question that you were giving him more often than not, but Bucky would simply give you a small, terse smile before kissing you on the lips --almost making you forget what you had asked-- before pulling away.

“Maybe, another time,” he shies away in the end, leaving you with more questions than answers.

* * *

“Why do you think that is?” you can’t help but ask and tell Nat everything that had happened since the night at the bowling alley. And while she was still a bit angry at Bucky, she knew that he made you happy and in a way was the one that opened the world for you so that you could interact with her. 

You two meant so much to each other -- it was as cute as disgusting as it was to see, not that Nat would ever say that out loud, at least not yet. It would mortify the two of you.

“Maybe, he’s trying to prove something,” Natasha starts, remembering what Sam had told her, but shrugs as you are about to interject, “Maybe not to you, but to himself.”

“Oh,” is all you manage to say about her assumption before taking a drink out of the beverage you had ordered. And while it sort of made sense, if felt like he was trying to give you proper date now than when you first started dating, you didn’t really understand why he would go through all that trouble now. 

Before anything else can be said on the subject, the two of you hear Pietro’s voice ordering his meal with Wanda and Viz following behind him. Nat gives you a smile that tells you that you should be patient with the man before greeting your friends and as you slowly come to realize how much life has changed for -- you silently agree that you could wait for Bucky and whatever he has in mind.

* * *

Spring gives way to summer as Bucky’s school and works die down for a second, though he mentions he is thinking about transferring to a bigger university to be more focused on what he wants to get his degree in. It would still be an online program, but he was thinking about looking for either an apprentice position at a medical company or call in some favors (through Steve) about getting a starting position at Stark Industries. He had started on the process of getting a service dog and was even starting to help Steve prepare for his wedding next year, as his best man. 

Things that had once been at a standstill were moving rather quickly now, but instead of being afraid like he or you usually were -- you both decided to take in the moments with going to the library or a movie. He still wouldn’t come inside your apartment, but nights at Central Park or simply walking around the street were just as enjoyable. 

This night, however, was a little different as Pietro has asked a growing circle of friends to come to hang out with him in one of his favorite bars since his girlfriend was in town for the weekend. Knowing that you owed him made you agree to the proposition and Bucky, as your boyfriend, came along as well. 

It leads to you sitting side-by-side near the bar, as you watched people dance on the large floor not too far away. You looked at Bucky from time to time wondering what he was thinking and trying not to worry if the noise or light were just too much -- he would have told you if they were. However, there seemed to be something else bothering him, as he seems to keep glancing at some gals just across the bar from the two of you. 

Bucky fidgets with the cuff of his black button up, as you turn from glancing at him to looking at them. A blond and a brunette keep looking at Bucky before talking and giggling amongst themselves -- it doesn’t take you long to put the hypothetical two and two together -- maybe they had seen him once or they frequented where he worked. Nevertheless, it seemed to bother Bucky, so at that moment you swiveled your chair to his side and made him look at you -- a soft hand on his cheek so blue eyes could meet your own.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” you ask as Bucky bites his bottom lip for a moment. He wants to stop and say that he’ll suck it up, enjoy the endless sensory overload for you and the rest of the group. However, he can tell by that hard line on your face and concerned look in your eyes that you weren’t going to listen to him unless it was the complete truth. 

“Could we go?  _ Please _ ,” he adds in for only you to hear, as you nod without a complaint and get off the chair. You grab his left arm without hesitation, as you slowly make your way out of the bar. 

Nobody else is around, so you make a mental note to text Wanda, as you move towards the exit. However, you are still close enough to the bar section to hear those two women finally start talking and you are sure Bucky can as well. 

> _ Isn’t that the one arm-- _
> 
> _ Kind of path-- _
> 
> _ Poor girl. _

It’s then you feel it -- Bucky trying to pull his arm away from you and you just answer back while holding his metal hand as tightly as you can’t without hurting yourself. You let out a guff of annoyance and Bucky seems to get the message to stop fighting, at least for now. 

It isn’t until you are outside in front the club’s glowing sign that Bucky finally lets go. He’s ready to say so many things due to his sudden panic, embarrassment, and self-guilt that they all just jumble up in his head until he suddenly feels the lack of breathing and shaking set in. There is a burning in the corners of his eyes and as much as he wants to push you away, all Bucky does is stand still as you cup his cheeks with your hands and bring him in closer. 

> _ It’s all right. Breathe, Bucky.  _
> 
> _ I love you. I love you. _

Those are all the words he can hear you say, as he answers back and hears you own watery laugh as you pepper kisses all around his face as if trying to get his mind to focus on something else. He ends up pulling you closer with his hands around your waist and his own brief affirmations of love before leaning to kiss you fully on the lips. 

After calming down, you end up taking a cab to Bucky and Steve’s apartment where you end up cocooned in his large amount of blankets and pillows, wearing his clothes and talking until you fall asleep. Once morning comes, Bucky will find himself watching your body lying next to him in awe and reverence, as you mumble something before turning over once more. 

It’s the final nail on the coffin as Bucky comes to realize that he can’t live without you -- you’re it for him. It’s a scary thought, but as you snuggle in for a lazy morning together, he realizes that doesn’t mind it as much. 


	10. here's to forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for taking this ride with me and please enjoy their ending! also caution with implied sexy times. 
> 
> Feedback is always welcomed.

In the following month, there is a giddiness to Bucky's step that you aren’t quite sure you know where it coming from, but if he was happy so were you. It was slow and steady steps, but eventually, Bucky starts going to therapy at the VA full time with Sam’s help along with finally moving through the process of getting a service dog. 

You had helped him with the research before you went out of the city to where the facility where most of the dogs were located since they were still being trained by staff, though they did come into the city for training with large crowds and noises. It was a cute sight to see Bucky play with all the training puppies before they dragged him down in a fit of laughter. 

“You’re just a big teddy bear, huh?” you can’t help but laugh out as blue eyes shine your way like you're the only thing that matters as it causes you to look away. 

“Only for you and small, fuzzy animals, doll,” he states teasingly with a laugh, as he drags you in closer to steal a quick kiss before the volunteer showing you around comes back. 

You can’t help but grin at the sight of Bucky walking through all the service dogs that have been selected for him to go through. You see him pause at a certain big and fuzzy  Newfoundland hound that seems to be as serious about the situation, but you can notice the dog wagging its tail slightly. Bucky gets down on his knees and stares at the brown dog for a while before pulling a treat out. 

You try not to cry right then and there when the two of them seem to start getting along as you welcome a new member to your little makeshift family.

* * *

It’s late summer when the last details are woven into Bucky’s new life -- he’s transferring to a SUNY online program for engineering with a paid internship at Stark Industries thanks to his previous military background and Steve’s help. And thought that wasn’t enough to pay his current rent, Bucky was already making plans to move in with Sam --as crazy as that sounded-- until he could find something better. However, as the fall started to come in and the date for Steve and Peggy’s wedding got closer, Bucky started talking about another thing -- his mother and younger sisters. 

He spent nights talking about how Becca might be doing with her kids, he cooked the recipes that he could remember from his mom, and he wondered how Millie and Lizzie were doing since they were so young when he first left. The blue in his eyes shined a bit brighter when he talked about all of them, but you could tell that he was still afraid of meeting them face to face once more -- that’s when you decide to bring it up. 

“And what if I talk to them?” you ask before taking another bite of the cinnamon apple that he had baked for dessert -- another Barnes’ recipe. He pauses for a minute through his story to look at you with confused blue eyes as you give him a smile. 

It’s then that he puts two and two together, which leads him to frown. 

“They’ll eat you alive, darlin’” he warns you, but you know deep down he wants you to meet them -- wants to have the most important people in his life together and happy. Bucky Barnes was a family man through and through, and you wanted to make that happen for him. 

You grin as he takes a sip of his coffee: “Since I already have one of them eating me, it shouldn’t be that hard then,  _ huh _ ?” 

Bucky starts choking into his cup, unsure of where this sudden change in behavior came from, as you laugh though you are already thinking of how you could ask Steve to give you Mrs. Barnes’ information.

* * *

It takes Steve two weeks to get back to you about Mrs. Barnes and making sure that even though you are going on your own, Bucky is okay with this -- he is, though nervous as hell, so you don’t tell him when you are actually going. 

It takes you another week to gain the courage to take a subway into Brooklyn on Wednesday morning. You land in a red brick apartment building near the bridge. You knock three times before you are met with all too familiar blue eyes and short brown hair -- you can tell at that moment where Bucky gets all his good looks from. The woman gives you a welcoming smile, as she stands there. 

“Mrs. Barnes,” you question as she nods. There’s an excitement blooming on her face as she begins to speak.

“Yes,” she states before asking her own question, “Are you James’ sweetheart? The one Steve told me about.”

You wonder how much Steve had actually talked about you and what Bucky had been doing to his mother and sisters, but that was for another time as the woman pulls you into her home. You end up spending the rest of the day in her home, talking and learning more about who exactly James Buchanan Barnes is and once was, as Winnie --as she makes you call her-- asks all the questions a mother would, but the real trial comes later on that evening -- as the three younger Barnes children won’t let you go until they have seen Bucky. 

Needless to say, there are tears and stories exchanged well into the night once Bucky and Choco get there.

* * *

It’s sometime after that, on a Saturday night, that Bucky finally decides to move forward with his plan. He had been waiting for the right time, but now that he knew that his mother and sisters loved you along with everyone else -- Bucky felt that it was all right to step into your space once more. This time he wasn’t going to run away, it was completely different actually. 

He’s standing there with a duffle bag and Choco being taken care of by his sisters for the night, as he had taken an Uber to your apartment. He had told you that he was busy with homework tonight, though he was sure --he had asked Nat-- that you were there reading or watching something only to doze off on the couch like he had seen you done early on in your relationship and it was something that he missed deeply. 

However, Bucky was going to change that as he knocked on the door multiple times, only for you to get up and yell back for him to wait. Bucky couldn’t help but smile at the subtle changes that had bloomed since you had gotten back together -- you didn’t hold back about what you were feeling anymore and it helped Bucky open up as well. So many things had changed since he had met you and he would be forever grateful, even if you didn’t want to be spoiled all the time. 

“Bucky,” you question as you open the door and look at the duffle bag he is holding, “What are you doing here?” 

“I came to visit my best girl,” he gives you that charming smile that you are still getting more used to seeing from him nowadays as he got closer to you. You look at him with a questioning stare as he puts his mouth right next to your ear and whispers two familiar words. 

_ “You didn’t,”  _ you let out in a delirious giggle as Bucky can’t help but nod with a goofy grin on his face, so much more confident and self-assured compared to the first time you had met him. Bucky grins back and you know he isn’t messing you as you bring him inside your apartment, for the first time in a very long time. 

He wraps his arm around your waist and kicks the door closed with the heel of his foot before pulling you over his shoulder as more giggles escape your mouth.

“Show me what you got,  _ Winter Soldier _ ,” you let out with a hearty laugh as Bucky begins to make his way down to where he knows where your bedroom is located. The hold on your waist tightens just a bit more at the familiar name, though it isn’t due to embarrassment like before. 

It’s due to something else, as he growls: “I’m gonna make you eat your words, darlin’.”

* * *

It’s early Monday morning when Bucky starts coming to after a weekend filled of rather exciting things that he can see in the disastrous state your room is currently in and that he can feel in the pleasant aches all over his body. It is more visible in your skin that isn’t hidden by your blanket and being shown off by the morning light. Faded love marks and subtle lines from everything you had done together that weekend fill him with pride, but the sight of you moving back and seeking his warmth fills him with love -- a feeling he didn’t think he would get to feel again. 

“ _ James _ ,” you slur out before moving back only to have his metal arm wrap around your waist and pull you in closer as you hum slightly before slowly falling asleep once more -- not quite ready to start the day just yet. 

He places his head on the crook on your neck before letting himself ease back into the land of sleep since he would rather spend more time with you than anything else. Though, he doesn’t feel well enough to sleep until he has your hand tightly entangled with his. 

“ **I love you** ,” is the last thing he manages to say, as you answer back softly. 

Bucky can’t help the silly grin on his face over you needing to have the last word in everything, though as he rubs your ring finger slightly -- he is sure that he will have the last word in one thing, one day. It’s just a matter of time, but before any of that can happen, he has so much to experience with you as you both are right at this moment. 

Because this wasn’t a story that ended with just one night, Bucky could feel it in his bones and was already talking to his mother about, but yours together --he was completely sure-- was one that would last forever and through all trials and tribulations that life decided to throw at you. 


End file.
